Home, Sweet Home

How have we done?  So far, I’ve lost 5 pounds…mostly from water weight I think.  My husband has lost 10 pounds.

What’s the biggest issue for me?  Not the meals.  I like healthy meals.  It’s the snacking.  I feel like I have the nagging need to snack.  During the day at work, I’d snack on Cheese Crackers and Dr. Pepper from the vending machines.  Now, it’s water and either an apple or Craisins and dried cherries.

A little of my food history…I used to be the healthy eater.  I rarely ate junk foods and would literally make myself sick on vegetables, especially when they were garden fresh.  If I did eat junk food, it was during a school vacation, a food reward for myself.  And I definitely wasn’t a stress eater.  Actually, stress made me feel sick at my stomach so I actually ate less.  During exam weeks at school, I’d even lose a few pounds.  And if I started dating someone new, I almost couldn’t eat for a month.

But during college, that all changed.  I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease…the pesky cause of my nervous stomach as well as the culprit behind my sudden loss of 50 pounds in less than six months.  To avoid having to take steroids to gain weight, I was told to eat everything.  And I did.  Unfortunately after I got my weight up, I continued this unhealthy trend of eating.  And over the course of the last three years, my weight has increased.  I weighed almost 160 when I met Jerrad and I weighed 174 last week.  Much of my weight gain can be attributed to birth control pills, hormonal struggles with depression and finding comfort in food.  After a long day at work, I “owed it to myself” to eat french onion dip and chips.  And then the next day, I would “deserve” that third Dr. Pepper and maybe even a hot fudge sundae.  And during the day, I would find myself reaching for junk food snacks to help “get me through”.  In my mind, I was so hungry that I wouldn’t be able to function if I didn’t eat food.

But I’ve realized that food doesn’t support me or make me feel secure.  Food doesn’t even make me feel good.  Especially when I look at the pictures above.  I realize that all junk food does is make me feel guilty for not being better to myself.

I’m committed to changing my lifestyle.   I’m committing to eating healthier so that I can feel better about myself.  I’m committed to treating myself the way I truly deserve by eating what’s good for me.